Unless you believe, like I do, that the “winner” go eliminated two weeks ago. Seriously, the two best singers are gone. So what we have left is “Nashville Star.” Anyway…I didn’t blog the performance show last night, but I’m blogging the finale, because there’s usually some fun stuff in it. Or not…we’ll see. If it’s like last year’s, all the top 11 contestants will get to sing something. So….here we go.
Also, I don’t think this show will be continuously interrupted by tornado warnings. Did I mention I don’t care who wins? Really. I don’t. Couldn’t care less. In fact, I’m paralyzed with not caring. I will say, however, that I was furious with Ryan last night, when he pressed the issue about Lauren’s voice. She said, “Don’t worry about it.” She didn’t want to talk about it. But they kept on about it anyway. Personally, I think the producers did that to get her some “sympathy” vote. They really need a girl to win this year.
So we begin with the top 13 singing Lady Gaga’s cover of Madonna’s song. Oh, wait, that’s not a cover, it’s a blatant copy. “Born This Way,” aka “Respect Yourself.” What’s with Idol’s obsession with Gaga this year?
Ryan promises a “stellar, all-star” performance. It starts with James Durbin getting to sing with Judas Priest. Wow. They look old. Hahahaha… Not surprisingly, James fits right in. He sounds almost just like the singer for Priest. I wish they hadn’t done that first…I’m going to lose interest pretty fast after this. James is obviously having a VERY good time!
Okay, now Jacob Lusk and Kirk Franklin. Lusk is horrible, as usual. He warbles too much and he’s out of tune. Okay…who’s that? Is that Aretha Franklin? I know I know that person…Ahh…Ryan told us it’s Gladys Knight. Haha…that makes Kirk and Jacob Pips, doesn’t it?
Casey is singing “Fat Bottomed Girls??” Hahaha….look, it’s Jack Black! Not a good song for Casey. He’s no Freddy Mercury. On the other hand, there is no one like Jack Black! This is classic! It makes me laugh, and with a happy laugh. Jack Black tries to scat sing, which is also very funny. Okay…that was cute! Very cute!
The girls from the top 13 are now going to sing. Meh. It’s that Beyonce song. What’s it called? All the Single Ladies? And I don’t know the second song in the medley at all. I don’t listen to top 40 pop any more, so I don’t recognize it. I also have to wonder why the Idol producers are obsessed with “up skirt” shots of all the girls. I mean, seriously! They have the girls wear miniskirts, then have camera shots from below the front of the stage. Hm….why isn’t Lauren in this group? And is Naima wearing rubber bike shorts?? Oh…maybe they were all Beyonce songs, because there she is! That girl on the right has hair as big as Texas. Hahaha…
Oh, wow. Haley gets to sing with Tony Bennett!! How awesome is that?? And she sounds absolutely fabulous singing that style! Yes! What fun! That was very entertaining.
TLC, Lil John, and the girls of the top 13. Oh, dear…this is dreadful. What is the girl in the middle doing? She’s like, writhing, and it has nothing to do with the music. Okay, they’re singing now. Sort of. Not very well, though. The loudest voice is really bad. Sounds like a guy with a high voice that has smoked too much.
Now it’s Scotty and Tim McGraw. That’s a ridiculous looking hat, Tim. That is NOT a cowboy hat. Okay? Actually, Scotty’s a better singer than McGraw. At least tonight.
Ah, we get to see the really bad people, now. Hahaha…one of the clips is “the best use of the American Idol logo.” You know what that means, right?
Marc Anthony takes the stage, now. Meh. He only gets to do this because he’s Mr. J-Lo. He seems to be channeling Ricky Ricardo. It has a nice rhythm, I’ll say that much. Aha! Looky there! It’s Jennifer! She’s dancing. All over Marc. Hehe… And shaking her famous booty. Well…that was actually pretty entertaining.
Hahaha…Casey is so funny. He talks about being eliminated twice. He said, “It’s like, uh, hey, you suck, and then, oh you know what, we’ll give you another chance, you suck again.” Hahaha…Now Casey and James are debating whose elimination was more shocking. I love it! Okay, that was very cute. Pia shows up in the middle of the debate, wearing a pink banner that says “most shocking.” Love it!
Now for the guys from the top 13 to sing. They start with “Kiss” by “the artist formerly known as Prince.” Does this mean that Prince is going to be there? Hm…maybe not. The next song is a Tom Jones song, “She’s A Lady.” Will Tom Jones be there? Next is “What’s New Pussycat,” also a Tom Jones song. Did Tom Jones sing “Kiss?” Okay…tha’ts not a Tom Jones song that Scotty is singing out of tune. Yes it is…”The Green, Green Grass of Home.” But it was also sung by a country artist. I don’t know the one that Jacob is singing. “Love Me Tonight?” Okay…I’m ready for Tom Jones to walk out on the stage. Incidentally, the guys’ voices don’t blend together at ALL! It’s actually pretty bad. “It’s Not Unusual.” Man! He looks pretty good for, what? 90? Geez…he’s gotta be pretty old. Except he looks…well…black. That’s…weird. I think it’s the frizzy gray hair. Maybe it’s the lighting. Either that or he’s been using George Hamilton’s tanning equipment.
Next is the last Ford Commercial. “Whenever You Remember.”
Wow. Scotty and Lauren both got a new car. The keys to any Ford they want!
Lady Gaga is back. Brand new single, “The Edge of Glory.” What an outrageous outfit. She’s never boring, is she? I can’t even describe what she is wearing. The hat looks like a pyramid with chains hanging from the edges. And she’s, well, blue. But that might be the light. She took the hat off. And the rest of her clothes, too. Well, except for the underwear. She’s way up on top of some kind of fake rock structure. The song, itself is not very good. I mean, she’s singing pretty well, but I think the song is very forgettable.
Well, finally, Lauren finally gets to sing. And she’s singing that Carrie Underwood song about beating up the guy’s car with a baseball bat and tearing up his leather interior because he’s-a cheatin’ on her. Christi loves this song. I guess it’s a girl thing. So I guess this means Carrie is going to join her in a minute. Yup. Hmm…Carrie didn’t finish dressing. She’s got on this really pretty sequined top, and plain, white shorts. Looks kinda stupid, if you ask me. Which you didn’t, but it’s my blog. Hah.
Beyonce is back. Ryan calls her “unstoppable.” I bet I could stop her. Yo. She’s singing her “favorite song.” “One Plus One.” When does an artist ever call their newest single their “favorite song?” I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone do that. And so far, it’s a pretty awful song. It’s like she’s just talking, only in melody. It’s definitely not a poem. Not that all songs have to rhyme, I don’t necessarily think that. She’s said “make love to me” about 12 times now. That seems to be the gist of the song. Sigh. The state of American pop music is really sad. The thing is, this song will sell millions. Because it’s Beyonce. And because America has lost its ear for talent. I take it back. She said “make love to me” about a hundred times. Okay. We get it.
Now, we get Bono, the Edge, and…and….SPIDERMAN??? I don’t know who this is singing. It’s somebody from a Broadway musical. I like the song, but, then, I’m a big fan of Bono and U2. Still. After all these years. Apparently, Bono and The Edge wrote the song “Rise Above.” Whoa! The Edge is singing! I didn’t know he did that! Wow.
Who’s that on this commercial? Hah. It’s Zooey Deschanel, the most adorable person on earth. Is this a new movie for her? Oh, she’s got a show this fall, called “New Girl.” Okay.
More special treats. Woot!!! Steven Tyler is going to sing “Dream ON?????” I think I have to stand up and get my lighter out. I’m getting all goosebumpy. Oh, and he has the bandanas on the mic stand. I think I’m going to cry! Please don’t fall off the stage, Steven. Will he go high?? Hahahaha…he did it!!!! Oh. My. Gosh!! He DID IT!!!! Not bad for an old guy!! I got tears in my eyes, man.
Okay. It’s finally time. Lauren looks like she’s going to pass out. Who is the new American Idol? Drum roll and dim the lights. Ready the confetti. Haha. I made a rhyme.
The winner of American Idol Season 10 is….Scotty McReery.
Is anyone surprised?
Well, congratulations, Scotty. I wish you the best. And God bless you.
See y’all next year.